We are simple and pure souls experiencing the terrestrial existence. This existence is temporary. We can repeat it, but can never extend it. There is a definite duration, parallel to time, with each birth. Thus, once upon a time, not so long ago, I was also a disembodied soul. I had my relevant agenda which provoked this birth on earth. I chose my parents of this life, place of birth, environment, the body – mind – intellect apparatus, to carry out the agenda that I came here for. Mother of this body once told me, that I was “born smiling”. Perhaps I refused to cry because this birth was chosen, this body was chosen, the parents were chosen and landing on earth perhaps did not give me the expected shock after all!! 🙂 So, what is there to cry about? Happiness and sorrows were determined by the conscious mind of our waking state. Being branded a “dreamer” so early in life, perhaps I was never dependent on the waking state a lot!!! 🙂 Being branded as a dreamer is quite different from being branded as an eccentric. My later life gave me that tag. This was well before I got branded as an “experiential spiritualist” – one who chose to experience and digest rather than read books and expect. Experiential spiritualists are always considered to be eccentrics. Some people are terribly afraid of a close encounter with them. Especially those who are “comfort zone” oriented, “the living room spiritualists” – they will never even dare to venture near any unpredictable, matter-of-fact experiential spiritualist. Most people are afraid of the uncertain. There is great fear about the unknown. Those who dare the uncertain are branded as eccentrics, crazy or MAD. This branding helps the cowardly living room/feel good spiritualists to maintain their spiritual comfort zones.
Fear is against spirituality. Breathing and living pure love indeed is spirituality. When liberation is the path, shedding is a must. We will eventually discard everything before we get to taste the perfect merger with the Supreme Father. Spirituality is often a path of thorns indeed!!!
My father is a Medical Doctor, an Orthopedic surgeon. He has always been a workaholic. He lead his whole official life with honesty and truth and this did not help him much in his career. Living in a crazy world of high corruption, his unbending nature made him endure many hardships from officials. For being honest and truthful, they transfered him every three years and in some cases even before; and we, his family, moved with him, leaving our temporary roots and budding friendships. My father stood by his conviction and was never bothered by what the government did to him. My mother was a house wife and religiously took care of the house, kept it clean and tidy and fed us on time. Even though we always had more than one maid at home, she herself washed and cleaned most of the dishes to ensure cleanliness. She has always been very particular about cleanliness. I have hardly seen her sick or lethargic. She worked in a clockwork rhythm. I believe that both, myself and my brother Manoj – who is now an architect based in USA, more or less took our parents for granted during our whole childhood and youth.
Life has no tragedies. There are only situations that invoked in us, strange or unexpected feelings, effects and reactions. The situations that we either call happy or sad. In the larger sense, it does not matter. Because, in the larger perspective, there are only experiences. I took many years of sundry experimentation to understand this simple truth, which was always waiting for my recognition.
My initial life was full of trials and troubles. First of all, there was no aim. At first it was experimentation on the physical aspect of existence. Health, physical exercise, undertaking physically challenging tasks such as boxing, karate, mountaineering, long distance cycling, etc….. Then it became the emotional aspect – poetry, drama etc. Then the intellectual ….books, psychology, new age cinema, etc. But, I was never a “book-a-holic”. I preferred to experience directly rather than read and understand. I have always been experience-oriented. Learning happens with experience. One’s own experience is the greatest teacher. Nothing can ever substitute its effect.
Then came the official/professional life – of consistently proving my worth, time and again, through various organisations. In all this, there was one thing which was constant – CHANGE. Change is the core essence of terrestrial existence. Locations changed, friends changed, environment changed, targets changed, tactics changed, body changed, mind changed, intellect changed, spirituality also changed. This awareness, of constancy of change itself, provoked the biggest change in my outlook. If we ever consider any man as constant and without evolution, we are committing a big mistake. All people change. If at all we feel – “Oh, I know him”, it is wrong. Nobody knows anybody. We only know another situationally. But, every moment, everyone evolves and changes. At least, tangibly, every one gets older. That itself is a physical sign of change. Sinners could become saints and saints could become sinners. Poor can become rich over night. Cruel can become kind and kind can become cruel. Everything is situational. I learned this. So, with changes, many things which were dear also passed away or got dropped off. Even friends drop off when we change. New friends appear. (In fact we can measure our evolution with the dropping away of our friends and appearance of new and perhaps more relevant ones.) Eventually, when we start to accept changes as an integral part of our existence, we start to look forward to them. The change itself becomes our inspiration. This happened to me as well.
I have always been curious about the continuity of life or life after physical death. Perhaps, in a way, one could say I was curious about the occult. Awareness of the matters that we might have possessed in our past lives, might lead us to further exploration in this life. But, it never tells us what we knew in our past lives. We never get to access that data, lying hidden in our sub-conscious mind. This is also because the equipment such as our mind and intellect are new, and they cannot understand or recognize the old data. The reasoning power of the new apparatus will dismiss any suggestion of a possible encounter of a similar matter or situation in a past life. So, our reasoning sometimes keeps us limited. It was the same for me too. I explored my limitedness first and that was my early life experimentation on how far one can touch higher realities through our heavily limited body, mind and intellect. I had one advantage, just like many others, that I too did not know what I was looking for. So, the search was for something that I did not know anything about. This was interesting. It certainly gave some kind of a freedom. A kind of a deep feeling of liberation. It also helped me to maintain the “aim” in this life – as vague as possible. Trial and error of life took me through many treacherous alleys and gutters of life. Wild, unforgiving jungles of our existence. My feet bled. Still, I kept walking. Some unseen purpose pushed me to continue the journey. There was deep darkness and danger on the path. There have been many falls too. In such wanderings, as I did not know where I was going and what the purpose of my journey was, it was impossible to use a map of any kind, or inform anyone about the trip and its purpose. I was definitely not afraid to walk alone. I kept most of my relatives guessing. They eventually discarded me as “utterly useless”or “good for nothing”. There’s an early memory of one of my aunts telling my father: ” He is absolutely useless. this one will eventually become a liability to our family. He has absolutely no aim in life!!!” She had obviously considered me as a total waste after I consistently scored poor marks in my class exams. To provoke another relative, who asked me what I would like to be when I grow up, I said: “I want to be alone.” He was furious and confused and I felt quite pleased with it. I am sure that he never really understood the deeper meaning of that statement.
My mother was also concerned about my wayward life. She went and asked her father, my maternal grandfather, who was a great and powerful personality, a superb astrologer who never practiced astrology for money. My grandfather listened to my mother’s complaints about me with patience and said: “Just have patience. He will make you proud one day.” She decided that those were just some vain words of consolation and did not give any deeper meaning to them. After all, it is only normal for fathers to console their children with optimism and hope. Thus, aimlessly, my childhood progressed. I did not fail in any class but also did not excel in any of the examinations. And quite aimlessly my whole youth progressed. I became a post graduate with reasonably good marks. Yet, I was a black sheep in a wide world of mysteries. So much to explore, so much to experience!!!
Comparisons are useless. There are not even two buffaloes alike. Each embodied being has a totally unique configuration. Who can totally understand another? It is impossible. I started realizing this truth, as I was evolving spiritually. Each realization happens only at its appointed time. The same applies to spiritual realm. We have to exhaust our physical, emotional, intellectual agendas before we could taste the nectar of our invisible spiritual agenda. To some, it does not happen in that sequence, if they have already exhausted it in their past lives. In some cases, depending on the evolutionary level of the person, one may stop at the realm of intellectual or even emotional exploration. There are many barriers before we could touch, feel or reach God. Physical barrier, emotional barrier, intellectual barrier, ego barrier etc. The irony is that, once we cross all these seemingly unending barriers, we realize that what we have been searching for, that what always existed within us, throughout our lives. We are like a temple searching for its deity outside of itself, or someone searching for spectacles everywhere except on his nose. But, we get to understand this simple truth only when we cross all the barriers, just like certain knowledge is achieved only when a student reaches certain level in his education. A knowledge is useful only at its appropriate time – same way, a professor does not give lecture when he is visiting the grocery store. Knowledge can also become a burden. It can strengthen our ego as well. When physical existence becomes servant-hood to the Almighty, like in the case of the famous bhakta Hanumanji, when emotion becomes devotion, when intellect and ego dissolve into awareness, it is then that a man touches the realm of God. Big time churning has to take place before all these attachments get dissolved. In that aspect, we have to die a lot, in one life time or more, in order to be re-born with fresh awareness.
Just like evolution of body, mind, intellect and ego are certain in human existence, I realized that dependency on anything blocks our progress. How can we bet on an ever-changing object? Later, much later, I understood how saints even shed their dependency on elements such as food, water and air, to the level of leaving their body at will. Man has infinite possibilities, if only we wake up from our slumber of ignorance!!! The best way to stop dreaming a bad dream is to wake up. Repetitive life is indeed a big bad dream. The only way to get out of this vicious cycle is to wake up, to become self-realized. Some people have understood the necessity of Self-Realization. Many are selling it for money – as if Self-realization is a commodity!!!! Having said that, I started experiencing that those who knew everything, hardly spoke, and those who hardly know anything, always spoke well, even if they were partial truths. People who like good sounds rather than pregnant silence, always choose those who spoke well. I also started understanding the deep power of inner silence and that the path to reach there is deep inner purity. These were all self-realizations. Nobody ever taught me these truths. The Power of Purity and Silence.
This reminds me that I learned to drive a car at the age of 13. Nobody taught me. I had no tutor. I learned to drive a two wheeler the same way. Thus, existence equipped me at various stages, to manage my terrestrial life. I took driving license for both two and four wheeler, when I became 18. There was no time to loose on formalities, there were much better and higher things to do in life. Terrains were about to get bumpy and unpredictable.
A job in the Middle East landed on my lap in 1990. I joined a reputed shipping line in their Oman office. I started working in the Middle East on August 23rd 1990. Looking back, success definitely gave me the associated ego. I was quite proud of my commercial achievements, especially since my academic track record was unenviable. In two years time, I won some awards and accolades for my consistent revenue performance. I kept telling people, that the real success is when a man handles life successfully. No academic examination can replace the value of real experience, or in other words, academic education can never guarantee a successful life. It can only capture a man and his talents into a frame. Academic excellence “frames” man and often makes him into a misfit for the real world in which adaptability of intelligence to a given situation beyond book knowledge is the criteria for survival. Being practical helps there and being theoretical more or less ensures failure. This was my earlier philosophy. Many bought my opinions!!! Like everyone, life taught me many valuable lessons, which, of course, my education could never give. I could never tell what I would have learned from classes, because bunking classes and watching movies was more interesting to me during my student life.
I got married to Saritha on September 7th 1992. Ammu came into our life on November 09th, 1995. We decided to call her Sreedevi, based on my mother’s first name, which is also customary. Ammu was her nick name. She passed away on August 23rd 2000, in a road accident. Within that time, she taught me many things. First of all, she made me experience what it feels like to be a father. She gave me immense love and affection. Often even scolded me or chided me like an elder. Her nature was that of love. She loved every creature, every person. She made me aware of the possibility of deeper love, beyond all man-made barriers. Her love for all beings was well reflected in the emotion that brought hundreds of people for her funeral. So many people of various age groups came to pay respects to a four year old child!!! She was a divine soul. No doubt. Needless to say, I was totally empty and devastated, when she left us so abruptly. In fact all of us were completely shattered.
After she left in 2000, I had a series of encounters with compulsive destiny. I separated from my wife, Saritha; my belongings got stolen; I lost my earnings and investments; finally, I lost my job also. Thus, I was literally stranded, with family, money, property and job – all gone. Totally naked and alone in a wide, ruthless world of many opportunities. A shift happened. My spirituality started strengthening. New awareness and understanding started to dawn. Symmetry of life started becoming more and more clear. Spiritual Masters started appearing in life. Getting to “know” and sometimes “feel” Shirdi Sai Baba, Parthi Sai Baba, Babaji, Akkalkot Maharaj, Ramana Maharshi, Nithyananda, Amrithananda Mayi and many other saints influenced my life. Autobiography of a Yogi changed me thoroughly – ever since I read it in mid 1990s. Meeting Vanamali Mathaji in Tapovan, Rishikesh in 2000 (her accepting me as her son and of course treating me so ever since,) was another blessing. Rishikesh, Tapovan, Vasishta cave and most importantly, Mother Ganga… I floated in spirituality. Many saints contributed in building my awareness levels. So, from a raw human to the level of a man who can survive the nothingness of consistent losses of everything that I was deeply attached to, was indeed a tall order. I survived. Communions started, physically and non-physically. The best experiences that I always cherish are: the physical encounter with Shirdi Sai Baba at Dwarakamayi, Sathya Sai Baba’s non-physical communions, and Mahavatar Babaji’s two non-physical communions. In the last communion with Babaji, he mentioned “Siddhis are automatic, when man evolves spiritually. They are also traps that halt man’s spiritual progress”. This was a golden lesson for me. I became careful and never craved for siddhis (spiritual powers), even though I was experiencing some of them, at that juncture of my life. Spiritual ego is the subtlest of all. Very difficult to find its existence. One must be very careful, if spiritual evolution is the key aim.
From nowhere, suddenly, Biba (Biljana Radonic) appeared in my rather grim but surreal life in Jan 2007 and brought me and what ever little knowledge I had, into the lime light. She brought many changes into my life. She literally woke me up from my comfort zone of self-centered spirituality, or, in a way – hibernation. Till that time, actually, I was hibernating or getting incubated. I had become a thorough introvert. I was floating in my various spiritual experiences and experiments. She insisted that the world should know and be benefited. In 2007, two meditations were given to me by higher masters. The Power of Purity first, and then The 360 Degree meditation. The former was meant to deeply purify the seeker while the latter was meant to center the seeker and connect to the realms of the higher masters. I believe Biba was chosen by the higher masters to pull me out of my introversion, as well as to help me to make use of the knowledge and wisdom imparted by them so abundantly. In one of my earlier communions with Baba, I expressed my concern to this great Master: “How can an introvert like me go out and conduct classes? How will I tell an apprehensive generation ‘I have found something which will be useful for you’?” Baba answered – “That’s not your problem. That’s our problem. People will come to you and will get benefited. They will have profound experiences. Understand that all those who came to you are sent by us.” This was really deeply comforting for me (By Baba I mean, all the masters. In the higher plane, physical image has no value). In all the meditations ever conducted, irrespective of their location, irrespective of whether I am physically present or not, everybody had great experiences. The divine grace has always been clear and tangible. How can any meditation be so powerful, if it is not divine grace? I am an ordinary man. How can I create such effects? Impossible. Grace is the key. Faith is the necessity. Now, this meditation has traveled far and wide. It is being practiced at various places by various people, singularly and collectively. Maha Maharshi Param Jyothiar once said: “One day, your voice will be heard all over the world”. It is happening. Everything is divine grace. Nothing else. Without divine grace, we are just mere humans. Divine grace is accessible to all. All one needs is firm faith, unselfish devotion and patience. All my spiritual activities have always been selfless service, an expression of gratitude to the world. I consider all my actions as seva to the society. I do not accept any money or gifts for my spiritual seva. Tangible Seva is also expressed through Ammucare (www.mohanji.org and http://www.ammucare.org ).
I hope to convey much more through the blog posts. Thank you for coming here and reading all this. Explaining myself is very difficult. Just remember – we all are related – Children of one father. We should never compare one with another. If nature created an entity, there is an inherent purpose. We may not understand that with our limited intellect. However, understand that there is definitely a purpose. So, let us thank every one. Thank everything. No hatreds. Express deep gratitude for everything. Avoid resistance to any situation and approach everything with calmness and poise.
We should also avoid resistance to all kinds of situations. Resistance of any kind creates agony. It also creates anger and hatred. It essentially harms spiritual growth. Selfless service is the best way to cleanse ourselves from the effects of karma. Help all. Serve all. Love all. That liberates us. Love always liberates. Hatred binds. So, better we practice love, express love, live love. Nobody is higher or lower than anybody. We all are here only for a few years. In the next 100 years, even the child born today will not be living on earth. It will be a completely new set of people. We came empty handed and will leave empty handed. So, please swap greed with this awareness. All that you earn here, including name and fame, will be left behind when we die. What is there to prove? Live your life, celebrate your life, without harming another being. You will have eternal peace.
Love You Deeply,